Body Inspiration

So, the past couple days, I've been having some body envy and spending a lot of time on Tumblr admiring different bodies. I know this sounds strange, but I absolutely love bodies. Different heights, different colors, different builds, muscles, eyes, lips, toes, dimples, belly buttons.. I just love bodies!! Anyway, there's an obvious pattern of "thinspiration" blogs on Tumblr, usually advocating habits and characteristics congruent with those of eating disorders. They constantly post pictures of girls who appear to be little more than a skeleton thinly draped in almost translucent skin. It's pitiful there is such a strong following of people (mostly young women) who have fallen into this curse. And my heart hurts for them.

After hundreds of posts about the beauty of bones and starvation, I came across the alternative. Many girls succumb to this sickness because of a need for control. The woman whose picture I saw must surely exercise a large measure of control over her life, her diet, her body. She looks strong, vibrant, and beautiful, I mean truly gorgeous. In this hurting world of body image, why are these sick, broken bodies being promoted and not bodies of power and strength, healthy bodies? I know the body I am willing to work for. I wish every girl who is a victim of how she perceives herself could feel the same way.

It doesn't seem like a hard choice to me..

Bittersweet goodbye :-/

So tomorrow will be the day to say "goodbye" to my road bike. You will find on my blog that I got it several months ago to pursue cycling and triathlon. I can't exactly explain why that didn't work out, but I got busy and looked up and the next thing I know, triathlon season is coming to a close and I had only ridden my bike twice, neither times in a race. I wasn't comfortable with the speed, clip-in pedals, and newness of riding a road bike and I didn't take the time to get comfortable. And so, I decided to sell it back on eBay. :(

After a week sale, it ended last night at a price that only caused me to lose about $50, which isn't bad for a failed sport pursuit! :) So I'm not feeling to guilty about that impulse buy.. Anyway, my dad and I just finished disassembling the bike and preparing it for packaging, tomorrow I will pick up a box from a bike shop, finish packaging and send it off to Missouri. Hopefully it will bring its new owner much fun, training, racing, and happiness.

The best part (and my main motivation) in selling the bike is that now I have a few hundred dollars to invest in something new maybe? I may just end up saving that money, but I may:

a) buy a nice little mountain bike for Mississippi State
b) buy a kayak of my very own
c) save that money to put towards my dream trip, Christmas in Costa Rica!

There's something I left out in my blogging hiatus, my newfound infatuation with the beautiful land of Costa Rica! I was dying to go to Costa Rica for a Summer senior trip, but that didn't quite work out. Maybe God was pushing it towards my next big break in December? The weather is better then anyway! We'll see :)

Secure

It's such a wonderful feeling to recognize yourself growing and changing for the better. I've come to a place recently where I can honestly say I value friendships over dating relationships. And that came to fruition last night in hours of wonderful conversation.

Oh my gosh!

I've never weighed 117 as an adult before!!!!! :D Excuse me, just needed to document the moment. I"m done now.

So I got started on a special project today. It's a surprise for a friend, so I can't disclose details just yet, but check back in about two weeks for the reveal of my hard work :)

Another day has passed, and I'm less angry every hour. I woke up yesterday morning with a heavy feeling in my chest, finding it hard to conjure a smile. But this morning I woke up fine. Not excellent, but fine. It's only been two days, so I imagine it will only take a week or so to forget this mess entirely. I find that in the middle of a storm, it feels like nothing will ever get better, but before your very eyes, everything brightens up and you're amazed that you were ever down in the first place. I'm eagerly awaiting this feeling of finality. It's inching closer.

As for the friend mentioned above, that person is a shining example of true friendship. It's amazing to me to step back and see who is still standing by your side in the midst of problems. Six months ago, you'd have never convinced me that this person would be the friend who pulled me through. It's this reminder to never burn bridges that has kept me from acting on some of my overwhelming desires to expose him for who he his, to feel "vengeful". Thanks to the Lord for putting friends like this in my life.

I'm rising..

After my ranting last night, I have come to a place of peace. It's a matter of rising above the mess, remembering the big picture, and acknowledging that standards are in place for a reason and there's nothing wrong with that. As a single young woman, my standards are something I should uphold with respect and purpose. Now don't get me wrong, I've never compromised in major ways, but I've now seen the repercussions of allowing someone to convince you that your standards aren't important. If I had followed my instinct early, I'd have saved myself a lot of drama.

The list of lessons I learned the hard way through my past relationship keeps growing and growing. And yes, I did have to go through some pretty unfortunate feelings and situations, but God never throws anything our way He knows we can't get through and come out better. It's a really empowering feeling to feel myself beginning to look at the situation from above as God allows me to rise, no longer weighed down by the weight of worldly problems. He brought me into that relationship, used it to work on me, my heart, my attitude, my mind, everything.. And now He's brought me out of it and into much better things, things I couldn't have had or appreciated before.

As I mature and grow in perception of God, it becomes much easier to see His hand clearly in my life. This is such a tremendous blessing for my faith, which wavered often before as I tried futilely to put worldly explanations behind God's work. I was struggling just this morning with the weight of all these problems, but as I type, my chest feels like, my breathing feels pure, my head is clear. This is God's peace.

eBay strategies frustrate me.. among other things..

25 people are watching my bike on eBay (i'm kellianne2011), but no bids yet. There are just under five days left. Come on people, I'm getting nervous! But, after all, it is my first eBay sale..

I got to play Phase 10 with Hannah, Gabe, and Christine tonight, though. Definitely cheered me up a little bit from my anger (some of which was vented onto my poor little blog). I said something on a Facebook status earlier that I will now repeat: you can judge someone's trustworthiness based upon their taste in music. I see now that you just can't trust someone who would choose Hawk Nelson over Mumford & Sons, Victoria Justice over Adele, and 3 Doors Down over Coldplay. I mean...

How can I expect someone to appreciate me when they couldn't care less for the things that make up who I am? And also, someone can't appreciate what they don't understand. If you head is so thick and clouded with yourself, how could I have ever expected you to take the time, humility, and concern to delve into my person and know who I am?

Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut, bite the bullet, and nip something in the bud when warning signs present themselves early. This I have learned. This I will remember. No time is wasted in God's plan, but I certainly wish I didn't have him on my dating record. That is all.